1[0] Reason[s] Why I Won’t Write You a Poem:

1. I will stop, eventually.
2. I have to stop, somehow.
3. It won’t bring you back.
4. I don’t want to think about you.
5. I can’t think of you without being sad.
6. I don’t want to be sad because of you.
7. I want to remember you happily.
8. I want you to be happy.
9. There’s nothing poetic about the fact that we’re not together.
10. This is fucking ironic.
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#00005

Dito mo ako iniwan;
Sa lugar kung saan ka nag-alangan.
Sa ako ang kasama pero iba ang hinahanap ng ‘yong mata.
Aligaga.
Titingin sa kanan, lilingon sa kaliwa.
Mauuna sa paglakad nang bahagya.
Magkukwento para hindi mahalata.
Sino ba ang gusto mong makita?
Sino ba ang ayaw mong makakita?
Kaya patawad kung ‘di na ako nagsalita.
Hindi mo ba ako nakikita?
Dito mo ako matatagpuan;
Sa lugar kung saan ako nag-alangan.

11.20.17

For The Chosen

The thought of jumping
Of falling
Of the cold air gushing through my hair
Of my heart, beating faster than ever
This is what I am afraid of

The idea of landing
Of my bones breaking
As soon as i hit the hardest concrete
Of my lungs trying to breath
As soon as i emerge to a bottomless pit
This is what my nightmares are made of

The thought of staying
Of not exploring
Of settling for what is there
Of never knowing the meaning of better
This is what I fear

But seeing you standing there
Eyes wide and full of wonder
Makes me think that
It is okay to jump

It is fine to land
It is better to stay
Because you’re a fear I am more than ready to conquer.

#00004

Sa dilim kita nakita;
Sa usapan tuwing alas dos ng umaga
Sa iyak pagkatapos ay tatawa
Sa tatawa kahit na malungkot
Sa “uy tawa na” pag nakasimangot
Sa dilim kita nakita.
Mali.
Sa dilim kita nakilala.
Sa walang liwanag pero nagniningning ka.
Mali.
Sa walang liwanag pero nandiyan ka.
At ilang kandila ba ang handang maubos para sa iba?
Ilang bituin ba ang posibleng makita sa langit pag maulap na?
Ilang payong ba ang nagpapasukob pag malakas ang ulan at baha na sa kalsada?
Dalawa? Lima? Basta, bihira.
Salamat sa pagiging isa sa kanila.
Salamat sa pananatili kahit na hindi madali.
Pero ‘wag kang mataranta, hindi ito katumbas ng “Mahal kita.”
Gusto ko lang sabihin na;
Hindi na ako gaanong takot sa dilim dahil nandiyan ka.


Salamat sa’yo.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! 🙂

Read More »

A Letter To Whoever

         Someday, I will meet you. Maybe not ‘meet’ meet, maybe more of ‘realized-it-is-you’ kind of meet. But I will know you nonetheless. I’m sure that you will scare the shit out of me, I may even push you away because I’m that coward. I hope I haven’t done this already, but if I did, I hope you stayed. I hope we’re good friends, I hope you already know how messy my mind is. I hope I already fixed myself. I hope you already accepted me. And when that day comes, I hope we’re both ready to dive. I hope we’re both ready to love. We will do everything together. Yep, I’m that clingy. We will climb mountains together even if I hate it (maybe we both hate it, but still). We will go grocery shopping and I will try to cook us dinner (notice the word try). We can skip Sunday mass, but we will love our God anyway (I will forever thank Him for your existence). When the night is too bright, we will make pillow forts outside just to watch the stars shine (tho I’d rather stare at your eyes). Baby, I’m not into sports but I’ll cheer for your favorite team, just save me the last piece of donut. I will always listen to your stories, no matter how mundane they are. I do appreciate honesty but I don’t want to hear you saying that you’re fond of other girls. I will always try to make your day better, I’m sure you’ll do the same for me. I’ll drink with you when the world is too hard. I’ll run my fingers through your hair and let you know that I will stay. We might fight but we will choose to understand. We will compromise. There will be nights that I will feel sad for no particular reason, please learn how to hold me tight. And baby, we both know that this will be hard but I won’t leave you no matter what. And if, only if, the time comes that you want out, I will let you. I just hope you will not.

#00003

Old conversation with a friend. Weird because things that has happened a year ago is quite similar to what is happening right now.


 

“Nanliligaw sa’yo?”

“Hindi.”

“Eh ano?”

“Wala lang. Usap ganon.” 

“Pero nagsasabihan naman kayo na gusto nyo isa’t isa?”

“Hindi rin. Hahaha”

“Bakit? Ano ba, alam n’ya na gusto mo siya?”

“Oo yata? Or baka hindi hahaha hindi ko alam.”

“Eh paano pag may nanligaw sa’yo na iba?”

“Hindi naman ako kumakausap sa iba.” 

“One-sided?”

“Ha?”

“Sa’yo lang ba yan ganyan?”

“…”

“Gusto ka ba?”

“…”

“Lugi ka d’yan.” 

#00002

1/31/2017
1:47 am

So I just saw/heard this new(?) song entitled “Sick of Losing Soulmates” by Dodie.

I am so in love with it right now and I’m really torn because I don’t
want to share it anyone just yet but I also want to show this to a certain person,
but I’m afraid that he won’t like it. So hehehe.

proxima k.